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I fall for my fitness instructor despite being married

By Kharono Lufafa

I started training with a fitness instructor via virtual classes during the lockdown and after the lockdown I was still worried about going to the gym so I called him home. We train together almost every day and little by little I developed love feelings for him. We even shared a kiss but nothing more. I am married and I feel guilty. But I am losing weight and I feel motivated to train because of him. I don’t want this to end but I’m afraid my husband will find out. What should I do? Anonymous

Dear anonymous,

It sounds like an emotional trap you find yourself in. Remember that you are human and the human body is sexual in nature. Therefore, to be in charge of your emotions and your body, it is important to set limits from the start.

Due to a combination of feel good hormones in the body, especially during exercise, you should experience a high sense of inappropriate emotions which are a response to the care you are receiving rather than the person.

By nature, we all want to receive full attention and be cared for. While you are training, another person is looking at you, touching you, which creates a strong bond over the long term that you may not experience in your formal relationship.

You are his boss


It’s important to remember that you are paying for these services and that also means your fitness instructor has this type of relationship with other clients as well. It is more of a transaction than a real emotion because it is his job.

Depending on how much you value your marriage, it might be appropriate to stop the sessions and assess whether you are truly willing to risk and ruin your formal relationship for short-term physical attraction.

Coping mechanisms

If you’re feeling too weak to resist your trainer, find a friend to train with. This will reduce the chances of being alone with the instructor for long hours.

Talk about these feelings and let someone you trust or a counselor help you validate those feelings. It’s okay to have a crush, but if it starts to distract you to the point of interfering with your marriage, it means the line has been crossed.

Limit the disclosure of personal information to your coach, as this puts you in a vulnerable position. Every marriage will go through difficult times and during this time the partner might use it as a scapegoat to find solace in someone other than their own spouse. Indeed, many coaches admit that they spend as much time listening to clients’ issues as they do training. But personal trainers aren’t psychologically trained, nor do they have to follow the same strict rules against dating as mental health professionals. If so, identify the real issues and find relevant support to fix them before they get out of hand.

Your instructor might take advantage of his position which gives him more power over you. Change monitors and the less you meet him, the easier it will be for you to escape this emotional trap.

Advice to readers

Stick to the second choice

Anderson evans

If you are in love with two people, stick to the second because if you really liked the first, you wouldn’t have looked for a second choice.

Respect your marriage

Eugenior MK

So you think you’re the only woman he educates and kisses? There are obviously many more if he does it with a married woman. Respect your marriage and let go of this gym nonsense before you fall into temptation. Remember what is precious.

Don’t waste your time

Jane frances nabuuma

Don’t let a temporary excitement or thrill replace what you’ve been building for years. The Bible is clear, separate what is precious from what is cheap.

Be happy

Mac JB Bukenya

You will lose your good marriage, your family, your friend, your partner and your gym instructor. Ask yourself how many female interns he meets. Are you sure of him? God will even take what little happiness you have once you are not happy with what he has given you. My sister, no matter what itches you, it’s temporary. Don’t get lost over temporary happiness and end up with long-term regrets.

Involve your man

Patience Natie Nampa

Get your man involved in the workouts if you want to resist the temptation.

Remember your wishes

Wisely Woodz White

You are married and yet you still have a crush on the instructors, really what do you want in life?

Think about your health

Moses Earthe

You shouldn’t trust someone who encourages the romantic feelings of their clients. He is able to do anything for money, including irresponsible departures that lead to STDs like HIV. Do you think taking ARVs is easy?


It’s scientific.

According to new research presented to the Society for Neuroscience of New Orleans, there could be a scientific explanation for your unprofessional feelings towards your trainer. The study found that exercise causes your body to release a chemical hormone, oxytocin, the same hormone released when you start falling in love.

Oxytocin is a neurohypophysical hormone, often referred to as the “love hormone”. When a woman experiences these emotions, she often feels more inclined to accept sexual advances.

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